On being Mediocre

I did not start this article with a title in mind. And that’s because I suck at writing. But I’m doing this anyway because who says you have to be good at anything before you do it — plus, it’s free.

I suck at A LOT of things (if you haven’t noticed that this may read like a 16-year old Wattpad writer’s work, now you might) and I’m beginning to become okay with that. I’m mediocre. And that’s not really a bad thing. I still have a lot of living to do, and considering that I’ve come from a lot, I deserve to give myself some credit (I’ll sob in bed later this evening about how I’m a loser but I’ll enjoy this for now).

And maybe this is why I enjoy Beyoncé and her music so much — I’m probably just trying to live through the fact that she’s synonymous with excellence and I’ll never be like her. So I geek over her consistently, maybe in hopes that one day I’ll be good at something like she is.

Everyday is a struggle to not put myself down — I usually lose — but I’m growing. And I’m proud of where I am now. I decided to buy art supplies a week ago and it turns out that I’m not as hopelessly basic as I think I am. I’m also beginning to realise that the pressure to be great at something is a consequence of living and interacting with our capitalist society that only rewards “the best of effort” and shuns those who may not be able to excel at anything, including people who are disadvantaged by being “othered” by society due to disability, queerness, poverty, or not subscribing to or benefitting from the patriarchy.

In essence, maybe I suck at a bunch of things. Maybe I’m only fooling myself by saying that “it matters that I try”. But it also matters that I just am in a society that tells me and countless others that we do not matter. And while that’s unfortunate, there are those of us who are doing everything we can, in our little way, to make sure that society can be better. So maybe we’re not so mediocre after all.