It’s Okay

My love letter to people who feel like failures during these troubling times.

As 2020 grinds to a chaotic stop, my twitter timeline is full of people talking about their wins. And while that’s wonderful considering the tragic mess the year has been, some of us would rather not see these things because it seems like all this year has done to us, is take. And if you happen to be Black, poor, female, LGBTQ+, or you belong to any oppressed demographic not mentioned here, or all of these things at once, I just want to say that I am really sorry for the way life is treating you because you have been through it.

I began 2020 with hope that I’d find joy and peace. And for a while, it seemed possible for a while, as the year began to unravel, I realized that hope is a dangerously disappointing thing to have. From the early panic of a third World War; to the death of beloved basketball icon, Kobe Bryant together with his daughter, Gianna; to when North Korean Supreme, Kim Jong-Un faked his death which was unintentional comic relief; to the widespread COVID-19 pandemic which triggered a necessary lockdown and has lead to so many deaths, losses, and a global meltdown; we also witnessed the murder of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Rayshard Brooks, and other Black people by American police, which triggered a reprise of #BlackLivesMatter protests in locations across the world.

Seeing people still win with all of this can be difficult, especially if it seems like you did nothing significant. Dealing with the realization that you’ve not done anything impactful is not something you should do alone. The depression that comes with this can be debilitating and prevent you from acknowledging your worth, and this is something I know personally. We all consumed a lot of trauma, so celebrating “small” wins is important too.

Nigeria is a country where faux morality is more significant to our national identity than the plunging economy. Nigerians have very conservative and oppressive ideals, and if you happen to be a woman or a member of the LGBTQ+ community, you’re liable to feel the full effect of this on your shoulders for your entire life, except you leave, and even this is just better because the rest of the world is slightly less hellish for these groups of people. Internalised homophobia is something you spend a lot of time learning, and society wants queer people to hate ourselves. And this is where I say that if you’re queer, and you’re on the journey to self acceptance and discovery, I love you and you’re doing amazing. I’ll also say that your existence is resistance and you’re doing a good job defying the status quo by learning to love yourself in spite of everything. You’re doing amazing. I’m proud of you.

Many young Nigerians are defying cultural expectations. I’m proud of you for deciding that our narrow perceptions of expression should not define you. I love that for you.

If all you did this year was be miserable, it’s okay I promise. Life is tough. But look at you, you’re still going on despite the odds. I love that for you.

If all you did was live, in spite of any mental illness, I’m proud of you. Look at you, striving to make sense of the world, irregardless of the fact that you’re seeing the world through the blurry lens that is your brain. You’re more powerful than you realize. And there’ll be brighter days. It’s okay.

If you survived self harm, or an eating disorder, I’m proud of you.

If you survived a drug overdose, I’m proud of you. It’s okay. I promise.

If you have been able to begin to love your body, in bits and in pieces, I’m proud of you. You’ve come far. And this is just the beginning of a beautiful journey. I can’t wait to see you come into yourself.

If you’ve struggled to pay your rent and feed yourself, I’m proud of you. The pandemic has probably robbed you of a decent income. But look at you, trying to make ends meet despite the odds that our capitalist society has created. It’s okay. I love you.

If you’ve piled up rejection emails, I’m proud of you. You’re trying in spite of a fear of rejection. Your work will be noticed for its worth soon enough.

If all you’ve done is read a book — or a bunch of articles — I’m proud of you. I find it hard to read for longer than a minute. Your attention span is amazing. You’re doing great.

If all you’ve done is help your family, that’s a lot of work. I’m proud of you.

If you’ve found a new hobby, or picked up a new skill, you’re doing great. You might go places with this hobby or skill. Or it may just be your little shield from the harshness of the world. Well done!

If all you’ve done is recover from illness, or just deal with it, or beat COVID-19, that’s a lot. You’re strong. And I’m sorry that you can’t just be. But you’re fighting to stay alive despite a poor healthcare system. It’s okay.

So many of you participated in protests to challenge oppressive systems and governments. You lost friends and family, but you persevered. Thank you. There may be no clear results now, but you’ve lent your voices. I’m grateful for you.

Some of you have given love to others in spite of the harshness of the world. You’ve allowed people come to rest around you. It’s not easy. Thank you very much.

You’ve stood up to your parents. I’m proud of you.

If all you did was be a Black woman, especially a Black feminist in our really misogynoiristic society, you’re amazing. I’m proud of you. Your fight for a better world for women and girls coming behind you will never be forgotten or overlooked.

You’ve streaked on Duolingo or any similar thing. You’re being consistent. Love that for you.

You’ve tried to be a better person, or reconnect with your true self. The road to healing is difficult, but look at you. You’re doing great. I’m proud of you.

This year has been a lot. And I didn’t even mention half of the events that have marked it. The stress of this year is enough reason to go to therapy (for those who can afford it).

You exist in a cruel world. Don’t be hard on yourself. It’s okay. Things will change. Some days will be better. I’m proud of you. And it’s okay. I promise.

Disclaimer:

This is not guaranteed to take away your pain or anger. It’s simply borne out of mine, but I hope it’ll help you look up a little, as writing it has done for me. Welcome to 2021, or good morning — whichever you prefer.